I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
