Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
