My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
