I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
