Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
