I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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