I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize