I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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