I'm gonna have a badass scar
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
