it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
