So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
