Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
