Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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