I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
