just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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