Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
