dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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