she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
