She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Be still, my beating vagina.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So apparently I’m into choking now
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
