We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
