I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
