I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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