i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
