Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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