You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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