My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
