sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize