Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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