I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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