Do you still have your period?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
