so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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