On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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