you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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