Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
