Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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