I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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