he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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