I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
