So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
