I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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