I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Banned from zoo.
Again?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
