I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
