she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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