dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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