dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
