OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
