I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
