All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
