why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
