I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
