Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
