I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize