Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
