We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
