its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Come share oat with me in your robe
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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