My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
