He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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