I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
