I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We are two peas in an std pod
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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