I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
