i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
