this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
