I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
