My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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