I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
