You work out of a Hotel?
I think my vagina is haunted
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
