I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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