I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
