I'm lost and stupid without you.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
