thus making me awesome and them whores
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
