I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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