opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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