someone threw a dead crab at me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
