Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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