Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My bed smells like the plague
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Drunk is a universal language darling
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
