hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
