if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
