Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize