Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
