Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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