I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
