allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
