i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
