dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
last night I used snow as a chaser
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize