No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
