it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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