do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
