My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Girls should come with a carfax report
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
