I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
