I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
