Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
