I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
