I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
