Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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